I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
