What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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