tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
