There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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