I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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