careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
