Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
