morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
