Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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