he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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