I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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