Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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