This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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