i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
