You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
