hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there was a trapeze. enough said
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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