I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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