there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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