I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
