a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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