So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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