I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
