His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
