How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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