how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
