wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
