he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
