i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
