Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
