I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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