i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
