Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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