i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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