lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
