So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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