I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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