I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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