hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
