Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
