hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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