He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
