I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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