I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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