Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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