Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
