I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
