Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
