I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
