mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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