69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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