she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
