it was like his penis was on wheels.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
