if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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