So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
