I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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