I need to stop coming to work sober
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
