It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize