She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
