you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
