I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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