from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
