I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
