i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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