plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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