im drinking this country out of the recession.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
