And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
