I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate all girls vehemently.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
