I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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