Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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