can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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