It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
