Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
