Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
