i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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