I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
