I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
