Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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