8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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