it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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