Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
