he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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