Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
