you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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