So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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